I’m Not The Biggest Loser

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There was a time when I was an "overweight" size 10. I was so pleased to be able to squeeze my behind into a pair of slim fit size 10s from the Gap. I put myself on every diet advertised in the popular fashion magazines. In the high school cafeteria I would pull a slightly chilled Slim Fast shake out of my brown paper lunch bag and drink it down followed by a few swigs of diet Coke. My weight went up and down more times than a yo-yo, but I could always fit into those size 10s. My goal was always to get smaller.

Off to college I went, still a size 10. I lived in the dorm and was on the meal plan. I can't say we ate the healthiest of foods, but I always had a salad…and a frozen yogurt. One day, while on line to get a plate of tricolored tortellini, I complained about my weight. My friend, not meaning to make me feel bad, motioned to my tray and told me that I shouldn't be eating what was there. I don't think I let one noodle pass through my lips that night.

It was then that I started feeling self conscious about letting people see what I was eating. I started sneaking food. If I knew my roommates were out, I would go to the cafeteria and buy a pepperoni roll and cookies, which I would inhale. Then, I would force it out of my body before I even had a chance to digest it. I can't say I lost any weight, but I didn't gain any, and I still was able to eat whatever I wanted. There wasn't anymore guilt. I could, and did, eat a pint of ice cream, but the calories didn't count. I was so proud of myself. I thought I had figured out the secret. On and off for about a year, I continued, but I started doing it less and less.

Those size 10 jeans were starting to feel a little snug, so I joined Jenny Craig, where I lost over 20 pounds. After that, I started seeing a nutritionist and exercising regularly . Before I knew it, I was out of my 10s and getting smaller and smaller. Finally, I did figure out the secret – healthy eating paired with exercise.

With my first pregnancy, I thought I could eat whatever I wanted. As soon as those double lines appeared, I was buying M&Ms and chips and soda. Since I didn't give birth to an 86 pound baby, I was stuck with a lot of weight to lose.

I hadn't lost nearly enough of it before I became pregnant again, and again, and again…

Now, I wish I could have those size 10s back.

Over a month ago, I filled out an application for The Biggest Loser. I figured if anyone could help me, they could. I completed the first step, but I didn't have the time to make a video and finish the second step. For the first time in a long time, I saw myself succeeding. Although, I could probably do without parading around in shorts and a sports bra on national TV.

Since January I have adopted healthier eating habits, and I have the best intentions to exercise. At a little over 10 pounds down and I've hit a plateau. My doctor told me that I am not eating enough calories and storing what I do eat. I find it hard to believe I am not eating enough, but I know for a fact that I am not exercising enough. She wants me to walk at least three days a week, without kids, so I can keep up a faster pace.

I thought I needed a trainer to yell at me and keep me motivated. I know that the only thing I need is inside of me already.

Although, if you see me out walking, put on your best Jillian voice and tell me to walk faster…further…stronger. It couldn't hurt.





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