Scheduling Life

posted in: Blog | 0

Gesturing at my swollen abdomen, he said, “Do you know how much money you can get for one of those on the black market?”

I don’t know what reaction I expected when I announced my pregnancy to my peers.

The timing was lousy. Entering my third year of college, I had barely two semesters worth of credits to go and my dream internship lined up.

I wished that I could just pause the pregnancy, and resume it once I was ready. I just needed a few more years and then this baby would fit into my plans, or would it? Would I be ready in 5 years? Would I need more time or would time run out before I was ready?

If someone handed you a master calendar, how would you schedule your  life?

Two months prior to finding out about my pregnancy, I was at a party with a woman who had just found out she was pregnant. As she drank the night away, it was deemed ok, because she was having an abortion the next week. Her pregnancy did not fit into her long term goals. I am ashamed to admit that I judged her that day, not knowing I would be facing a similar reality myself. Our decisions were strikingly different, but once my test turned positive, I felt a connection to her.  I don’t know if she ever went through with it and I never asked, but I do wonder where she is today. Did the calendar of her life play out the way she planned?

My final destination in this life has not been planned ahead of time, instead it has been and will be shaped by my decisions. This journey has many twists and turns, but that’s what makes it interesting.

Some would consider some of my decisons to be careless. I disagree. I think they were miraculous.

That master calendar I had wished for, it could never exist.  Thankfully, there isn’t a way to schedule life events. If there was, I wouldn’t be where I am today. As a young adult, I faced many struggles, but these did not define me. They were simply the first few chapters in my story. There have been many plot twists since then. I have been blindsided more times than I can count. There is no way to predict the future, and I wouldn’t want to.

I love a good surprise ending.

photo by:
Follow Jennifer Swartvagher:

Latest posts from

Leave a Reply