The neighbors are trying to kill our dog. At least, that's what my son keeps telling people.
Yesterday, our neighbors brought over a huge bag of dog food for Mattie. Their dog didn't like it, so instead of throwing it out, they thought of us. Unbeknownst to me, there was a recall of this dog food announced yesterday.
When the phone rang this morning, I heard my mother's voice…"dog food"…"Salmonella"…"passes to humans."
Why did the kids have to be so responsible and feed our pets last night?
Here, Mattie, try some new dog food, accompanied by a side of Salmonella. Dollar signs flashed before my eyes as I thought of the vet bills.
Wait a minute! Passes to humans? Did we forget that I am a hypochondriac? All of a sudden, I had all the symptoms of Salmonella poisoning.
We were doomed!
Should I call 911?
Quickly, as I made my way down the hall, Evan called from the kitchen, "Breakfast, Mattie."
"No!" I screamed like a madwoman, "Do NOT feed the dog."
I had only been out of the room for less than 5 minutes. By the time I returned to the living room, Mattie's dog bowl was overturned on the rug and the "poisonous" food was spread throughout the room. My first thought was, "why is there dog food in the living room?"
I snapped back to reality as Linus picked up a piece and slowly brought it towards his mouth.
"Nooooooo!" Everything happened in slow motion as I jumped over the pile of dog food mixed with peanut butter smeared across my rug.
The children looked at me with horrified expressions as I started ranting about Salmonella.
Not only were the neighbors trying to kill our dog, they were trying to out all of us.
After the rug was cleaned and I bathed the kids in a mixture of soap, water, and hand sanitizer, we spoke about why we don't bring food into the living room.
Upon closer inspection, the bag we have is not involved in the recall.
I think we'll live.