Why Fifty Shades Is Not For Me

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“Mom, I don’t think women will like that movie, because he isn’t very nice,” stated my 12 year old son.


I cannot think of a safe time to turn on the television these days. Fifty Shades of Grey seems to be everywhere. Even the Today Show did a live broadcast from an exclusive screening of the movie.

When did porn become mainstream?

Once, I played the part of the young virgin. Shy and sometimes awkward, I could not wait to be in a relationship. What I didn’t realize was that sometimes love comes with a price tag and you can never get back what you have given away.

“Do this or I’ll bring you home,” he taunted me. I would be promptly dropped off at my doorstep if I didn’t play the role he wanted me to play.

“Act sexy when you eat that,” he demanded. Looking down at the Snickers bar in my hand, I threw it back at him. He wanted to get off by watching me. This time, I was the one who told him to bring me home.

Constantly made to feel like I did something wrong, I vowed to make it up to him, and I always did.

I was simply a conquest to him. If he could get the uptight catholic schoolgirl in bed, then he would win.

Every day he pushed further and further.

“Do you know, if I choke you, it will be so much better,” he explained.

Wait. What?

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t make me do these things,” I reasoned. That didn’t stop him from putting his hands around my neck in the backseat of his car.

Forced into a situation I didn’t know how to get out of, I was uncomfortable with the decisions I was making. He brought with him the promise of a date to the movies, not a private jet ride, yet he was using his power over me to take advantage of my naivete.

Twenty three years have passed, and now, I am quite secure in my sexuality. What goes on in my bedroom stays there, but I can assure you that I am not so uptight anymore.  

I haven’t read the Fifty Shades trilogy, and I have no desire to. There is no love in manipulation. I learned that the hard way.

Abuse is not glamorous, no matter how Hollywood tries to portray it.

To all the young women out there, especially my daughters, may you never find yourself  half dressed and humiliated with a man’s handprints emblazoned around your neck.

You are worth so much more than that.

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